The Sun, It Burns!

I have seen sunrise three times in the last week and not in my usual way. Normally sunrise is an indicator that I really, really, really should have gone to bed. This week it has been an “Oh my it’s dark outside. Why am I awake? Hey, what is that big blob in the sky…”

It would have been four times, but I’m living in Portland, and having the sun actually visible through the clouds isn’t the norm. I have this concept in the back of my little brain that if I keep trying to be a morning person, some day it will stick. I know I’m just fooling myself, but it is an illusion that I like to hold on to, especially on days when I need to get up and be somewhere.

I try to convince myself that if I get up early, I will go to bed early. It will become a cycle! All I have to do is repeat it enough and it will stick… Not bloody likely!

No, what happens every time I try this is what happened this week. I get up, I come home tired, I pass up on a nap because “I am going to some how drag by butt to bed on time!” Bed time comes… Bed time goes… I’m half zoned out, but have caught enough of a second wind that I can’t go to sleep. No matter what plausible explanations I give myself, for some reason anything before midnight seems more like going to bed in the middle of the day than a reasonable time for sleep.

Whenever I try this experiment the results are much the same as they were this week. I often end up sick and by the end of the week I will inevitably have a migraine. Lack of sleep isn’t the only thing that will set off one of my migraines, but after a few days it is pretty much a guaranteed method.

Apparently negative reinforcement isn’t one of my learning method, because I have repeated this stupid cycle more times than I can count.– and it is stupid, stupid on my part because it is so easy to end. All I have to do is go to sleep.

Enough already. I survived this rounds migraine. I can always hold out hope that I learned something. Tomorrow is another early day. Maybe I’ll manage to sleep tonight.